Living Happiness From The Inside Out, Part 6

by William R. Yoder on June 10, 2013

Unhappiness is your feedback signal that you’re blocking your inner nature.

How you block your own self-awareness?

(Click here to start this series from the beginning.)

Last time we looked at how your unhappiness is always the feedback signal that you are blocking your own self-awareness. The problem is that we have identified with an untrue idea of ourselves. Your upsetness or unhappiness never has anything to do with the truth of who you are, or with others or with the world. It only is a reflection of the fact that you yourself are temporarily unaware of your own inner truth–that you are temporarily blocking the expression of your own inner nature.

Your made-up self-concept

The reason that you are unaware of  your inner truth is that you have made up a substitute idea of yourself. You believe you are a small, needy, incomplete self that needs to find its happiness from outside of itself. An incomplete self that is dependent on an outside world to get what it needs for happiness. You believe that the source of your good and your happiness lies outside of you, and that you somehow have to “get” it or “earn” it or “achieve” it for yourself.

And that belief is the  ultimate cause of all of your feelings of unhappiness and upsetness.

Pickpockets and saints

When you believe you are a small needy self and that you are dependent on an outside world for your happiness, you will tend to judge everything you see as “good” or “bad,” relative to whether you think it can fulfill your needs or not. You will see every situation as a “happy” situation or an “upsetting” situation, relative to the imagined needs of your imagined self-concept.

Feeling  upset and perceiving an upsetting world are two simultaneous expressions of the same mistaken underlying belief that “you” are limited and needy, and are dependent on the outside world for your happiness.

When I believe I am needy, I will see others and the world only relative to how I think they can fulfill my imagined needs. As the Tibetan proverb says, “When the pickpocket meets the saint, all he sees are the pockets.” In other words, he sees ONLY the pockets, and is oblivious to the saintliness. How much of the saintliness of the whole world do you miss while you are desperately looking for pockets to pick?

Functions and Grievances

A Course in Miracles  says that a needy self assigns functions to everyone and everything in the world, according to what they need do to make you feel complete and happy. Every time you’re upset, it’s because you think that someone has failed to fulfill the function that you assigned to them.

In another place, A Course in Miracles says that the source of all our unhappiness is the grievances we have made up. “Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, ‘If this were different, I would be saved’.” [WB-71]  In other words, the belief that the cause of your happiness lies outside yourself.

Your “rules” about happiness

Tony Robbins talks about this in terms of making rules. “If this happen, I will feel happy. If it does not happen, I will feel unhappy.” Or, “If that happens, I will feel unhappy.” And every time you feel unhappy, it is because you think the world did not conform to your rules. Basically, every time the world seems to conform to your rules, you ALLOW yourself to feel happy, Every time it does not, you block you feelings of happiness.

Since your rules are  usually subconscious, how do you know if you are making rules or not? Simple? Are you unhappy? then you were making rules about when you could allow yourself to feel happy. If you had no rules, you would simply be happy.

What “should” be

Byron Katie talks about your ideas of “what-is” and “what-should-be.” Every time you are unhappy, it is because there is a conflict in your mind between your perception of what-is and your idea of what-should-be. And of course, “what-should-be” is just another way of saying “what fulfills the function I assigned,” or “what follows my rules.”

Judging everything

When you have a small and needy self-concept, you judge everything you see as either relatively “good” (to the extent that it seems to meet your needs and rules and shoulds) or relatively “bad” (to the extent that it does not).

But ALL of your functions and rules and shoulds are based on the imagined needs of an imaginary self-concept. The real cause of your upsetness is your small and limited idea of yourself. And your corresponding perception of the world as failing to meet that little self’s needs.

To be continued ….

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